he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
