im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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