I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
As shirtless as possible
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
