You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
