I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
