I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
