I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
