Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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