I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
