i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
