Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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