I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
