I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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