your room smells of hookers.
And success
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
