My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
