i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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