apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
