At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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