I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
