Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
that may or may not have been my penis.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
