nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
