I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have aggressive nipples.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
