So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
