Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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