Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
