there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
