if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
