hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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