I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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