I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
