ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
