She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize