I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
