College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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