Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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