So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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