I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
