you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
