So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
