Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
