youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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