i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
