is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
