Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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