OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize