I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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