she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
