Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
