sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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