the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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