It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
