So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
