I'm lost and stupid without you.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
