Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
