were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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