I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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