I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
