cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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