oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
