people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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