kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He shit in the fireplace
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