I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
no you cant smoke seaweed
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
