bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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