I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
