ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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