You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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