the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
