I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
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i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I would ride that face into the sunset
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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