D3 body, D1 cock
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
