My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
