If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
