remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
