no, he came in my armpit
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize