We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
