non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize