Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
