cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
