I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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