My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
