Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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