The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
